Such a Spoilsport.

I have just arrived back home from Crown Court and they liked me so much they have asked me to write for them which is great. I must go back in a few weeks to receive my sentence, it must be one of those introductory line things.

Anyway, the reason I was there in the first place was all because of a miserable young lady. I had found myself standing on a bus holding onto a support bar which was directly next to where the young lady was seated. Now I did not mind standing on the bus at all, no qualms whatsoever. However, every time the bus turned or jolted which was very often, I could not prevent my crotch from pushing itself into her face.

After it had happened six or seven times she pressed the bell and asked the driver to call the police, claiming I was sexually harassing her. They duly arrived and after arresting me suggested I should call a lawyer. I told him exactly what had happened and he had every sympathy for me. In fact his very words were "You would have gotten away with it if there had not been fifteen empty seats.